Tuesday, August 10, 2004
By the way, I only had about four days of abstinence. I have really been in the junk. Pizza, pot pies (on sale) ice cream (also on sale) etc etc. I bought about ten sodas today. I joined Netflix for a free two week trial, and found a lot of DVD's I am interested in on the site. May try to stay a member. My local movie rental place certainly doesn't have all these movies. I am enjoying the high speed internet. Also got two calls on mobile phone today, so yay, but I need to know how to turn up the ringer. I have been looking online at onlne colleges. My dream degree would be fashion design, taking classes in apparel construction etc, but I can't do that online. I can't handle the technical degrees like information technology so the only one offered that I could take would be Business Administration pretty much -- or something along those lines. I think there may be a Fashion Marketing degree I could go for. I want to keep looking into it, but usually I lose interest and move on to the next thing. I am thinking also of getting my psychiatrist to sign a form declaring me totally and permantently disabled, which means I wouldn't have to pay back my student loan but I could never get Financial Aid again. My mind is kind of shot. I am not as smart as I used to be, and I have trouble concentrating if I am reading something long or complicated.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
I realized something good. I can now get my wisdom teeth removed since I have Medicaid. They have been hurting for years. I used to have Medicaid and had an appointment to get my teeth seen about, but I let someone from church talk me out of it. She said God put those teeth there for a reason. I now realize she has not had a good experience with salvation and is often wrong, though sometimes she is right also. I cannot seem to have a good experience of salvation either. I think I am unsaved.
I got a mobile phone. I hope I can afford to keep up with the bill. I also got cable internet, the cheapest 19.99 connection. Only problem, now I need to keep my cable to have the internet access, and having a TV is making my son obsessed with watching it. I may be getting in over my head with these bills. I probably should have gotten Vonage phone service for 15.00 a month through the internet, because my modem will always be connected to the internet even if I turn my computer off. I think that means the phone would have worked 24/7. The mobile phone is more expensive. Am I just trying to be cool? I never go anywhere and don't really need a mobile phone.
If I can't afford it I will get it turned off, further ruin my credit, and get the Vonage. I am going around in circles. I am so neurotic. The first few days I had my phone I would stare at it. It is a Motorola T720 I think. I forgot. Anyway, it is so small, and cool. I had seen phones similar on TV -- for instance on the "Newlyweds," and really liked the phones. I felt good when I was able to get one. I have also downloaded games, and the ring I chose, Van Morrison's "Moondance," is cool (to me).
My son starts school on Monday, fifth grade. It will all hit the fan when I have to make him do his homework, and go to bed early, in other words, do anything he doesn't want to do. He seems so angry sometimes, and especially when I try to get him to quit watching TV. I thought today, maybe somehow I am manipulating the situation so that he expresses my anger for me?? One thing I realized a few days ago, he is in a bad mood alot because I am mean to him. I have tried to be nicer since I realized that. I guess I stupidly thought he was immune to my treatment of him, and that he could absorb my bad moods without repercussion.
I have been thinking of resuming work on my website, www.jesusiloveyou.org.
Son was in golf league and won a trophy for first place in his age group, by default. None of the others showed up for golf every time so they lost out. Some were absent that last day and that disqualified them. I took son to the driving range a few days ago and got a large bucket of balls. He hit a few good shots, and it was fun.
The weather here has been perfect, in the low 80's. We are supposed to have five days of this. Yay!
I got a mobile phone. I hope I can afford to keep up with the bill. I also got cable internet, the cheapest 19.99 connection. Only problem, now I need to keep my cable to have the internet access, and having a TV is making my son obsessed with watching it. I may be getting in over my head with these bills. I probably should have gotten Vonage phone service for 15.00 a month through the internet, because my modem will always be connected to the internet even if I turn my computer off. I think that means the phone would have worked 24/7. The mobile phone is more expensive. Am I just trying to be cool? I never go anywhere and don't really need a mobile phone.
If I can't afford it I will get it turned off, further ruin my credit, and get the Vonage. I am going around in circles. I am so neurotic. The first few days I had my phone I would stare at it. It is a Motorola T720 I think. I forgot. Anyway, it is so small, and cool. I had seen phones similar on TV -- for instance on the "Newlyweds," and really liked the phones. I felt good when I was able to get one. I have also downloaded games, and the ring I chose, Van Morrison's "Moondance," is cool (to me).
My son starts school on Monday, fifth grade. It will all hit the fan when I have to make him do his homework, and go to bed early, in other words, do anything he doesn't want to do. He seems so angry sometimes, and especially when I try to get him to quit watching TV. I thought today, maybe somehow I am manipulating the situation so that he expresses my anger for me?? One thing I realized a few days ago, he is in a bad mood alot because I am mean to him. I have tried to be nicer since I realized that. I guess I stupidly thought he was immune to my treatment of him, and that he could absorb my bad moods without repercussion.
I have been thinking of resuming work on my website, www.jesusiloveyou.org.
Son was in golf league and won a trophy for first place in his age group, by default. None of the others showed up for golf every time so they lost out. Some were absent that last day and that disqualified them. I took son to the driving range a few days ago and got a large bucket of balls. He hit a few good shots, and it was fun.
The weather here has been perfect, in the low 80's. We are supposed to have five days of this. Yay!
