Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I am still saved. I am learning how to have faith. One of the first things that happened to me after I got saved was that I bought my son a Jokari. It is a ball on an elastic string with a weight on the end, and you hit the ball back and forth. We went out in the street to test it out. After five or ten minutes it got tangled up an a wire I didn't realize went right over the road. The Jokari cost about 30.00 and we only had it a few minutes. Well Bro. Ken, who is, I guess, our pastor now, had told me to put scriptures up on my wall about faith and trust. I came in and read, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust..." from Job. I decided to trust God anyway. Now everytime I see the ball out there hanging from the wire, it reminds me of the time I trusted God.
I was believing the Lord to deliver me from schizophrenia, then it felt like he didn't, like nothing happened when I went up to get prayed for, and I got totally confused about whether I need to just have faith and did get delivered or whether I didn't. I decided that even though I am confused and don't know what to think, I will trust God and keep serving him.
My son is going to a family reunion tomorrow with my aunt. I have elected not to go.
I was believing the Lord to deliver me from schizophrenia, then it felt like he didn't, like nothing happened when I went up to get prayed for, and I got totally confused about whether I need to just have faith and did get delivered or whether I didn't. I decided that even though I am confused and don't know what to think, I will trust God and keep serving him.
My son is going to a family reunion tomorrow with my aunt. I have elected not to go.
Monday, September 20, 2004
A bunch of people left my former church -- most of the congregation actually, and they have started a church here in Morganton. It is not close enough for me to ride my bike there, but I have been getting a ride with a couple who go to church there. Everyone is glad to have me back, it seems. Wednesday, September 15, 2004 I got saved.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
I found out I am diabetic. I have been to two classes on it, and went to the doctor again today. He upped my meds and added a new med, so this should help me greatly as far as my health goes. I keep having pain in the center of my chest...had an ekg, and it was fine. I am thinking maybe it is an emotional/spiritual thing, my heart turning to stone?
I was in a church of God Yahoo group and asked for help regarding my need for salvation, also argued or discussed a point of doctrine with the moderator, somehow this antagonized him and he began acting toward me like my former pastor did. I ended up leaving the group to get away from it, but made a friend who is willing to pray for me and help me through this. The Lord gave me a scripture showing me that I don't have faith in him, that is why I go ahead and sin instead of seeking full deliverance at all times. I also realized that I want to do some of these things, like smoke, and curse just occasionally (for emphasis). That explains why I cannot get a good experience.
I was in a church of God Yahoo group and asked for help regarding my need for salvation, also argued or discussed a point of doctrine with the moderator, somehow this antagonized him and he began acting toward me like my former pastor did. I ended up leaving the group to get away from it, but made a friend who is willing to pray for me and help me through this. The Lord gave me a scripture showing me that I don't have faith in him, that is why I go ahead and sin instead of seeking full deliverance at all times. I also realized that I want to do some of these things, like smoke, and curse just occasionally (for emphasis). That explains why I cannot get a good experience.
